Lizard Brain v. Lion Heart

A graduate student I know is trying to decide whether to stick with her program or bag it and follow her husband who has managed… in this economy… to score a permanent gig with benefits. She has been asking everyone she knows, and the occasional random stranger, what she should do. This inspired me to think about how we make decisions and why, according to scientific studies, we rarely get it right.

When we make decisions, there is a tug of war between the brain and the heart, between logic and emotion. Some decisions are all brain… leaping out of the way of a speeding truck. Some decisions are all heart… do I pick the red shirt or the blue shirt? Unfortunately for us, most decisions fall in the middle and we have a hard time balancing the needs and wants of the head and the heart especially when we are making a decision that impacts our happiness.

According to recent happiness studies, the average human sucks when it comes to making a decision with the goal of increasing his or her long-term happiness. (For a great summary of these studies see Daniel Gilbert’s
Stumbling on Happiness) Here are four examples of seemingly logical choices that in fact do NOT result in an increase in happiness.

  1. Having children.
  2. Having more choices.
  3. Having more money.
  4. Having more stuff.

In the studies cited in Gilbert’s 2006 book, having children decreases marital satisfaction and it only rebounds when the last child leaves home. The majority of women admit caring for their children is less pleasurable than napping or jogging. (Although, raising children does beat out doing the dishes.) An article in
Newsweek quotes a study conducted in 2008 that found parents are 7 percentage points less likely to report being happy than the childless.

Gilbert lists several studies that show having more choices decreases our happiness with our final decision. My favorite example was a study done with people dining in restaurants. The people were given a choice. They could have a coupon for a free meal every month for a year if they had the same dish each time. Or, they could get six months free and alternate between their favorite dish (total of three times) and the special being served the night they came in (the other three times). Most people decided that they would take the six months and alternate meals. After the exercise was over, they were asked to rank their happiness with the experience. The people who ate their favorite meal 12 times over the course of a year ranked themselves much happier than the people who chose six months and got three months of their favorite meal and three months of a random dish.

I find it fascinating that most people tend to think that they’ll be happier with more variety, when in fact, they get more pleasure from getting what they know they like. Even more interestingly, they are willing to pay a premium to preserve their options, but they’re happier when they commit themselves. It’s their favorite thing after all! Why wouldn’t they pick it? I have a theory… but let’s finish going through the other two examples.

Gilbert’s book lists an older study that demonstrated having more money didn’t make people happier after 50K. A
new study just came out that showed the number has gone up to 75K (inflation?). After our basic needs are met, the extra cash just doesn’t do it for us anymore. A classic study done in 1978 showed that lottery winners were no happier with their money or the things it purchased than non-lottery winners… or get this… “the anti-lottery winners” or people who were in accidents and became paralyzed!

We are taught to make decisions using our brains. Sounds wise but it doesn’t end up that way if we apply the brain requirement to things that aren’t life and death (i.e. speeding trucks). My theory? Our decisions are often faulty because our lizard brain makes decisions out of fear. Decisions made out of fear do not often result in long-term happiness. Naturally, I am not referring to the instinctual response of running from a rabid grizzly. Making it out alive does result in an increase in happiness in that case. I am referring to the more mundane decisions we make everyday: what to eat, which widget to buy, whom to marry, whether to have kids and how many.

But, what about decisions of the lion heart, those touchy-feely, warm-fuzzy decisions? Our heart makes choices out of a place of joy. So if we are going for an increase in happiness, perhaps, we should go with the heart. Let’s examine our four examples above looking to see if this lizard brain v. lion heart theory stands up.

Why do people have children? Some do have children out of place of joy. They tend to be the minority whose happiness increases with family size. However, the majority has children to pass on their legacy, to take care of them when they are older or because they fear they will want them later and won’t be able to. If you are looking for farm labor, then bingo you’ve got it. But that also means that you will have to deal with junior when he wrecks your new car while texting his buddies on where to score some weed.

What about the guy with the coupon at the restaurant? He “fears” he will tire of his favorite dish after 12 times so he “guesses” he will take three months of his favorite with three of something he might not even like. If he made his decision out of a place of joy… mmmmmm favorite food… then he would have been happier.

Suppose we always go with the heart instead of the brain, wouldn’t we all become drunken sex addicts with rotten teeth from our meth abuse? No… because we are talking about making decision for an increase in long-term happiness not a fix in the next ten minutes… pass the chocolate ice cream. If you don’t believe me, check out this blog post on
Rat Park and how even rats make better decisions than we do.

Lizard brain says more money equals more happiness, more stuff equals more happiness and more choices equals more happiness. Well, having less than 75K will make you less happy because you can’t meet your basic needs but
76K to infinity and there is no happiness bonus. And lastly, when people do not have “enough information” and just “go with their gut,” they tend to have a higher estimation of their happiness regardless of a positive or negative outcome.

So what really does make you happier? More
sex, more socialization, more experiences and a narrow gap between the rich and the poor. Sounds like heart decisions to me. I am a writer and a scientist. I am not suggesting we ignore the lizard brain. He has kept us alive through the millennia. Thank you! However, if we are looking for long-term happiness, then we shouldn’t ignore the lion heart.

What did I tell the grad student? To go with her joy and not with her fear. I do not know what she has decided.